Forever I've Been Changed
by lunarglow
Summary: Her beauty came at a price.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I did not write the Vampire Academy series. Richelle Mead beat me to the punch.**

"**What strange places our lives can carry us to, what dark passages,"**

** -Justin Cronin, **_**The Passage**_

Forever I've Been Changed

Donuts. Hot, gooey, glazed donuts sat on the table in front of me. My stomach growled at me.

_Just one wouldn't hurt. I'm going to run it off anyways…_

I reached down and grabbed one of the heavenly pastries. I drooled in anticipation and brought it towards my open mouth.

Suddenly a sting of pain shot up my arm and my holy grail fell to the floor. Mouth wide in shock, I turned to find Lissa with a stern look on her face.

"Rose, donuts are not allowed on your diet. I agreed to go running with you every day at sunset to help you lose weight. The least you could do is stick to the food plan we created,"

I looked down at my stomach, which stuck out over my shorts and felt ashamed.

But at the same time I still wanted a donut.

"Alright, alright, no donuts. Ugh. I'm regretting this diet already," I sighed.

Lissa put her hand on my shoulder and smiled at me.

"Hey, we're two weeks in and you're doing great," She pulled me towards one of the mirrors on the wall of the cafeteria. "Just think of it like this. You're already pretty. Losing some weight will just make you even hotter. Then you'll beating the boys off with a stake," Lissa giggled.

"Ha ha. Oh yes I will just be so irresistible," I replied, rolling my eyes.

My smile faded as I studied our reflections in the mirror. Lissa never had to worry about her weight. She was naturally thin and amazingly beautiful with long, platinum blonde hair and the most stunning pair of jade eyes.

I gazed at myself and frowned. While I had always liked my hair and eye color and my naturally tan skin, my weight had always been an issue I struggled with. My hips were too wide, my butt stuck out in everything and my stomach tended to bulge out when I ate too much. Boy, do I like to eat…

About two weeks ago, I had confessed to Lissa that I wanted to lose weight and she happily agreed to join me on my diet for moral support.

So here we were, awake before the rest of the students, getting ready to go run. It was way too early for me and every part of my body yearned for the warmth of my bed. But I had dragged Lissa into helping me so I suppose I couldn't complain too much.

A light nudge brought me out of my train of thought and back to the present. Lissa dropped a pair of ear buds into my hand and started connecting her own pair into her phone and inserting them in her ears.

I slid my iphone out of my sweater pocket and did the same. As we walked out of the cafeteria and down to the track I scrolled through my music until I found my work out playlist.

The stadium lights cast a cold look onto the track. The grip on my phone became tenser as the knots in my stomach tightened and expanded in size.

"Come on, we're only doing two miles," Lissa said obviously reading my mood.

I growled. Two miles was a lot especially when you're a slow runner like me.

"Yeah yeah," I replied and pushed play on my phone.

We started out together but eventually Lissa's naturally faster pace put some distance between us and I was running by myself.

I tried to keep my mind off how much I hated running but each new step made me feel like I was running through water.

_4 more laps…3 more laps…2 more laps…_

I was dying. Sweat was sliding down my body, seeping through my clothes. My shorts kept sliding up legs and my stomach kept falling out of my tight shirt.

_I knew I should have done laundry last night. Dang it._

My legs tingled with exhaustion and felt heavier with each footfall.

I had to actively motivate myself to finish.

_You're almost done! Just think about how awesome you'll look when you've lost a ton of weight. Remember to breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth. Don't give up, you're doing great!_

I was rounding the corner to start my last lap when a bright flash started me and I stumbled a bit. I gazed over my shoulder but couldn't see anything. I turned my focus back to the task at hand and put all of my energy into my last lap.

I picked up a faster pace and pushed myself to spring the last turn of the track. My feet came to abrupt stop as I crossed our initial starting point.

Turning back around, I shuffled my way off the track and tried to find Lissa. As I passed the bleachers, I collided with a body.

Dizzy and trying to catch my breath, I gazed up and found a pair of bright blue eyes staring down at me.

And they belonged my crush, Jesse Zeklos.

"OhmygoshI'msosorry," I mumbled and put my hands up defensively.

"No worries Hathaway," he laughed. "You becoming the next big track star out there?"

My hot sweaty face grew molten hot and I tried to stabilize my breathing.

"No, not really," I replied weakly.

"Well keep it up Hathaway. I'll see you around," Jesse flashed another hot smile at me and strode past me.

I was frozen in spot for what seemed like an hour before I remembered how to breathe and move my legs again.

_Holy crap I just talked to Jesse Zeklos. Jesse Zeklos just smiled at me._

Lissa was drinking out of a water fountain when I found her.

She slowly brought her head back up, wiping her mouth on the back of her hand.

"What's with the silly grin on your face? You look like you just saw the guy's soccer team practicing shirtless again,"

I twirled around her. "Oh nothing I just talked to Jesse Zeklos. Now I'm picturing our date together where he tells me he is head over heels in love with me and always has been,"

"Well be sure to tell me what your colors are for the wedding so I can go ahead and get my dress," she laughed.

We joked around about Jesse's "inevitable" proposal before we split ways to get ready for class.

My goofy grin stayed plastered on my face as I showered and got dressed. I paused in front of the mirror, examining myself for the second time that morning.

_Jesse talked to me! Maybe this diet is working after all._

I felt giddy and confident as I gathered all of my books and started making my way to class.

My head held high, I was hopeful for what the day would bring.

**There's your intro! Curious what's going to happen? Stay tuned because you definitely do not want to miss next chapter.**

**Oh and reviews are always appreciated :) **

**-Selina**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: My name is not Richelle Mead and did not write the Vampire Academy books. Boo**

"**What strange places our lives can carry us to, what dark passages,"**

** -Justin Cronin, **_**The Passage**_

Chapter 2

By lunch time I was starving. All morning my stomach had been fiercely growling at me for having skipped breakfast. I was on a mission.

I got into the line at the cafeteria and surveyed my options. There were bright colorful boxes filled with salads with bowls of fruit next to them. My mouth was watering as my nose caught wind of an intoxicating smell. My gaze turned to find a tray of cheeseburgers and a pan of French fries beside it. The display of salads and health7y choices dissolved from my view as I hurriedly grabbed a tray and snatched a cheeseburger for my own.

I paid for my meal and rushed to a nearby table. Lissa was due to meet any minute now and I would get so much grief for eating a burger. I quickly scanned around the courtyard twice before grabbing my forbidden treasure with both hands and sinking my teeth into it.

Oh my god. It was the most amazing thing I had ever tasted. No other cheeseburger could ever measure up to how delicious that one was. I chewed as fast as I could, trying to escape detection.

Two minutes later the burger had vanished from sight. I crumpled up the Styrofoam plate and promptly disposed of it.

Scanning the courtyard slowly now, Lissa was still nowhere to be found. With a sigh, I got out my phone and started to play fruit ninja.

After losing a good ten rounds later, a flash of blonde hair in my peripheral vision pulled my attention back to reality.

"Hey where have you been?"

Lissa messed with her hair until it was up in a bun, all the while gazing down at me with tired eyes.

"Oh, I ran into Headmistress Kirova and she pulled me to ask how my training is going and to ask about my plans to go to Court. Honestly, it was an exhausting conversation. I know I have a duty to uphold to represent and honor the family but there are times I can only handle so much bef-"

A loud trill interrupted her rant and was followed by another, seconds later.

"Oh and my phone keeps going off. I don't know what is going on but I am going to go feed. I need some time for myself," Lissa then set her books down and handed me her purse as another trill rang aloud. "Deal with this please? I'll be back in a bit," She then turned and walked away.

I pulled open the flap to her bag and dug around inside until I brushed against the cool, familiar rectangle. I grabbed it and pushed down on the home button. The screen lit up and revealed a box of text.

"(8) New Text Messages"

_Who the heck could be texting Lissa this much?_

I slid my finger across the screen and waited for the conversation to load. The top of the screen revealed that it was a group message from Jesse.

My heart sped up in excitement. Maybe he was texting Lissa to talk about me and how to ask me out. My hands started to shake as I waited and waited forever for the screen to load.

_Lissa shouldn't have dropped her phone so many times._

Finally the mass text loaded and appeared on the screen and immediately scanned the entire page.

My body went numb at first and my mind couldn't comprehend what was on the screen.

I scrolled back up and forced myself to fully absorb what was in front of me. And then I brought my hand to my mouth to hold back the cries.

On the screen was a picture of me from this morning, running on the track. I look like I'm about to pass out. My shorts had slid a long way up and revealed the pale and untoned part of my thighs. The tank top I had been wearing this morning had inched it way up and revealed a very unflattering section of my stomach.

Underneath the photo was the caption "_Run Pig Run_".

The responses from several phone numbers I didn't recognize were shown underneath the original photo.

"_Who let the pig out?"_

"_How fucking disgusting"_

"_What a fucking whale"_

"_Someone needs to put that cow out her misery"_

"_Shamu goes to our school?"_

"_God go kill yourself"_

Tears blurred my vision as I gazed around. A number of people were gazing down at their phone and smiling, laughing probably at me.

Still gripping onto the phone for dear life, I jumped out of my seat and sprinted out the courtyard. Laughter was all around me as I ran back to my room. The hot tears fell freely down my face and onto the ground as step by step took me away from it all.

I flew into my room and slammed the door behind me. I glared down at the hard phone still in my hand.

I felt dizzy and my stomach suddenly felt overbearingly heavy. My food raced back up my throat. I dropped the phone and grabbed the plastic trash bin next to the bed. I knelt down and convulsed as lunch came back up and greeted me again. Another convulsion went through my body as more of my stomach came back up again.

The glare from the lit screen cast a cold light and another wave of nausea punched me and threw my head into the trash.

I pulled my head out and set the waste bin aside before collapsing into the side of the bin. My hands came up to cover my eyes as a torrent of tears bounded down. Loud broken sobs resonated throughout the small room.

The familiar trill of the phone went off and I felt my chest grow tighter as if trying to suffocate my heart.

I brought my hands down and inspected them. They felt grossly massive.

_God who was I kidding? I'm so fucking fat. Just look at me. Look at these rolls. I'm huge. I'm fucking disgusting. Who would ever love me? No one. _

The squeak of my door hinges startled me and I bounced into the air. Lissa stood in the doorway, looking down on me on the floor.

"Rose where on earth did you go? I asked you to look after my stuff for a couple of minutes and come back to find you nowhere in sight! What happened? Everyone said they saw you run back here,"

I started crying again as I grabbed her phone and chucked it at her.

Silence ensued as she read the conversation over. When she raised her head again, sadness filled her eyes and she reached out to hug me.

I bolted into her arms and continued to sob even harder. She was my only friend. Everyone else would laugh at me; point their thin fingers at my body and mock my pain.

_ It would never end._

I brought Lissa back to arms length.

"We can't stay here Liss. Everyone is going to have seen that. Everyone is going to laugh at me. Lissa I can't stay here. We have to leave,"

She stared back at me and her brow furrowed in confusion.

"Rose I don't know if that's the best-"

"No no no no," I broke away from her and reached under my bed for my suitcase. Rapidly I unzipped it and raced around the room, bundling my stuff together and tossing it into the suitcase. "No no Lissa I can't stay here. Please don't make me stay here. I need you. You're all I've got. Don't make me face everyone. Lissa please! The teasing will never end. I have never asked you for anything until now. I'll kill myself if I stay here,"

I threw down a big ball of clothes and threw my arms around her tightly. She remained stiff and unmoving for minutes before I felt her arms wrap around me.

"Okay Rose. We'll go. We'll leave tonight,"

**I apologize about the wait. This chapter was so difficult for me to write because I drew off something I personally went through and hadn't truly dealt with. To all of my readers (the few I have): You are all beautiful. Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise. Don't give them the power to hurt you or let what people say affect you. It is something I truly struggle with.**

**Anyways…..**

**Reviews are always always always welcome and I hope you guys keep reading!**

**-Selina**


	3. Chapter 3

"**Darkness approaches from outside. I feel no light inside me strong enough to resist it,"**

** -Christopher Pike, **_**The Last Vampire**_


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